It's not something I have had to worry about in a while, but having couples is not all roses and chocolates like you would think it is.
I was reading the blog of someone who started following me (Naerwen), and she had a post "Being Romantically Involved with your raid team" and her conclusion was that it was a bad idea.
1. We want to raid together
I can understand that. You play the game so you can play together. However, sometimes you have one too many DPS or one too many healers and if you want to sit one out, you have to sit both out. OR you have to sit someone else because you have to keep both of them in the raid (because you only need to sit one out). But geez, I wish that they would be independent players rather than a unit.
2. What happens when one leaves...
I have that situation now. One half of a couple left the guild for better raiding opportunities, but their partner stayed here. I was anxious because I thought that she would leave also, but she seems to want to stay so far - though I am not sure if it is because the guild that her partner went to had no room for her and she's just biding her time or because she really wants to stay. Either way I am glad she is staying and it's good to have her around, but there is always that possibility that losing one means losing both. In fact, even now, I'm still expecting her to drop the "leaving bomb" any time now.
3.When they're fighting, it affects the whole raid
I have had couples before arguing and then brought their shit to raid. Or one of them logged off because they were shitty at the other and then the other was upset and played poorly. People think it doesn't happen to them "because we're not like that, we're in love, we'll be fine!" But believe me it does. Naerwen said the same thing... but slightly more colourfully than me.
4. And after they break up...
Does one half of a couple really want to stay in the same guild or raid team as another after they've broken up? It usually means one or both leaves the guild - especially if one of the finds another partner (and even worse if they find another partner IN the guild). Drama drama drama. So that happened recently - one of our returning members was the ex of another guildie who brought her new guy into the guild BUT the drama was on her side, not his. She ended up leaving because she found it too hard seeing him every day, and he ended up leaving anyway because he went to play with old friends.
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For the most part, couples in the guild represent very little drama to me - that might be because of the members that we attract. Jazz and Nath, for example are a strong solid couple who like to raid together, but they would be more interested in raiding NEW content together, whereas when we were swapping people in and out for gear, they were happy to have one or the other in raid for farm bosses. Luxy and Rav are in the guild but they don't raid together but that doesn't seem to bother her at all. Koda and Guns are another couple where Koda raids but Guns doesn't but whether he is in a raid or not doesn't seem to bother her. Then there's Neri and Disco actually can't raid together since they have children to look after and when one raids, the other tends to be looking after kids. Not that either of them are on much lately...
My husband has just come back to do social raiding, and I admit I tend to overlook his raiding oversights - such as unenchanted gear - because it is social raiding after all. For main raiding, that would be unacceptable. However, he has had his on and off time and if he decided to quit the game I wouldn't stop playing, and if he quit the guild... well that would be awkward but certainly wouldn't be going anywhere (if anything it would have been something that I did as GM that would cause him to quit anyway).
There are heaps of examples of when couples work in raiding and when they don't. But in general, you are more likely to have problems when:
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| I saw this Valentine card on Reddit. CUUUTE! |
Personally, I believe it has absolutely no place in a progression environment. Just as in a work-place, there is too much at risk for it to ever be a worthwhile investment.I thought about what she said, and having raided with couples before, I can tell you that there can be a little bit of drama.- Naerwen
1. We want to raid together
I can understand that. You play the game so you can play together. However, sometimes you have one too many DPS or one too many healers and if you want to sit one out, you have to sit both out. OR you have to sit someone else because you have to keep both of them in the raid (because you only need to sit one out). But geez, I wish that they would be independent players rather than a unit.
2. What happens when one leaves...
I have that situation now. One half of a couple left the guild for better raiding opportunities, but their partner stayed here. I was anxious because I thought that she would leave also, but she seems to want to stay so far - though I am not sure if it is because the guild that her partner went to had no room for her and she's just biding her time or because she really wants to stay. Either way I am glad she is staying and it's good to have her around, but there is always that possibility that losing one means losing both. In fact, even now, I'm still expecting her to drop the "leaving bomb" any time now.
3.When they're fighting, it affects the whole raid
I have had couples before arguing and then brought their shit to raid. Or one of them logged off because they were shitty at the other and then the other was upset and played poorly. People think it doesn't happen to them "because we're not like that, we're in love, we'll be fine!" But believe me it does. Naerwen said the same thing... but slightly more colourfully than me.
4. And after they break up...
Does one half of a couple really want to stay in the same guild or raid team as another after they've broken up? It usually means one or both leaves the guild - especially if one of the finds another partner (and even worse if they find another partner IN the guild). Drama drama drama. So that happened recently - one of our returning members was the ex of another guildie who brought her new guy into the guild BUT the drama was on her side, not his. She ended up leaving because she found it too hard seeing him every day, and he ended up leaving anyway because he went to play with old friends.
For the most part, couples in the guild represent very little drama to me - that might be because of the members that we attract. Jazz and Nath, for example are a strong solid couple who like to raid together, but they would be more interested in raiding NEW content together, whereas when we were swapping people in and out for gear, they were happy to have one or the other in raid for farm bosses. Luxy and Rav are in the guild but they don't raid together but that doesn't seem to bother her at all. Koda and Guns are another couple where Koda raids but Guns doesn't but whether he is in a raid or not doesn't seem to bother her. Then there's Neri and Disco actually can't raid together since they have children to look after and when one raids, the other tends to be looking after kids. Not that either of them are on much lately...
My husband has just come back to do social raiding, and I admit I tend to overlook his raiding oversights - such as unenchanted gear - because it is social raiding after all. For main raiding, that would be unacceptable. However, he has had his on and off time and if he decided to quit the game I wouldn't stop playing, and if he quit the guild... well that would be awkward but certainly wouldn't be going anywhere (if anything it would have been something that I did as GM that would cause him to quit anyway).
There are heaps of examples of when couples work in raiding and when they don't. But in general, you are more likely to have problems when:
- New romance
- Skill level between the couple varies
- More ego-centric attitudes (eg. I only want to raid if the other is on and if they're not then I won't raid, or loot focussed)
- Friction between the couple (eg whose turn it is to do chores, gametime vs coupletime, being dragged into the game just to please the partner) or other history of relationship issues
- Jealousy of any type in either couple
And most of the couples in the guild are not any of these things. Relationships of trust, independence and also of equal enjoyment (or at least, the understanding of having their own time in game) of the game mean that couples are not necessarily a focus of drama, but actually can bring a great feeling of balance and harmony to a guild. But I do keep an eye on every new romance that buds in the guild - because from experience, that has only led to trouble.
